GOLF

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GOLF

Postby BIG JOSE » Sat Apr 01, 2017 1:14 pm

A golfer was in a car accident and lost his arm. He was taken to hospital and just before he was put under, the surgeon dropped in to see him "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"  "Oh God, no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc what's the good news?  "The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."  "Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."  The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.  "Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.  "Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."  "Not only that," continued the golfer "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in water colours."  "Unbelievable!" said the surgeon "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"  "Well, there is just one problem" said the golfer. "Every time I get an erection I also get a splitting headache.

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Re: GOLF

Postby Starchy » Tue Apr 04, 2017 8:37 pm

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods meet at a fund raiser. Woods turns to Wonder and says: "How is the singing career going?" Stevie Wonder replies: "Not too bad! How's the golf?" Woods replies: "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right now." Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right. Tiger Woods says: "You play golf?" Stevie Wonder says: "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years." Woods says: "But, you're blind. How can you play golf if you're blind?" Wonder replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice." "But, how do you putt?", asks Woods. "Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice." Woods asks: "What's your handicap?" Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer." Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie: "We've got to play a round sometime." Wonder replies: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole." Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, when would you like to play?" Stevie says, "Pick a night."
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